| Realizing too much... |
[19 Feb 2005|10:16pm] |
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So like I said in the past entry, I've moved to school, and love it. The parties are awesome, people are nothing like the assholes in highschool. Everyone gets along, and things are just good. I'm on academic probation, but doing a lot better this semester, so hopefully things will work out. My parent's bought a house, so we're moving again. Finally getting out of Woburn, and away from all the fucking drama, which i'm not bitching about at all. My brother now lives with us on occasion, and we're better friends now than we've ever been. We hang out, drink, and just chill it's good. He's actually come to a few of the family get-togethers that I dont think he's done since he was 17. He's going through some really hard times with his exwife, and not being able to see his son. Within the last few weeks ive felt kinda shitty about everything thats been happening. There wss a good 2 weeks, where everyday something bad happened. I've lost the most important thing in my life. I can no longer see Brandon, and for legal purposes I can't say why. I just know that it fucked me up really bad. Everytime I think about him, or look at my wall and all the pictures I just start to cry, and it fucking kills. I Can't explain what it's done to me, and how I act. I can no longer trust anyone, anyone's who's told me it's gonna be alright, i've basically pushed out of my life. I try hard not to flip out on people now, but since this shit, it's only made my temper worse. Ive just been trying to ignore all the negative people in my life. I miss him more than anything, I dont know what's gonna happen when he asks about me, or why he can't call me. It just feels like someone stabbed me in the heart, and hasn't pulled the knife out. I've learned not to tell anyone shit, cuz they're either gonna run around and tell someone else, or lie to you. I've learned to keep my friends close, but keep my enemies closer. It seems like everyone knows my weakness now, and i dont like when people see me cry, and people who thought that'd they'd never see me cry. have. There's so much shit that has happened that I cant even go into detail, but it all brings me back to losing Brandon, the kid means so much to me. For a 6 year old, he knows A LOT , and knew when and why i always felt sad, no matter what seeing him put a smile on my face, and now i cant even call him to say hi.. it just fucking kills, but it's not over yet, I've also learn not to give up, and keep my head up high, no matter how low my heart is.
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| NEW LJ |
[03 Mar 2004|10:58pm] |
Heyyy guys. I got a new LJ thanks to my sister Chelle :):):) She's the shit, it's a paid account, and it looks awesome..again credit to her! Misschelle.com Her site, check it out, very well worth it. She's an awesome designer..she's got skillz..
Here's the link to my new journal, dont forget to add it , Im going to add all my old friends too. :) c00lhead
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| It's been awhile.. |
[02 Mar 2004|10:44pm] |
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mood |
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Seems like it's been forever..not much has happened. I've been working, and working and working some more...
On Friday I worked and Daniel came down and what not. Saturday was good, I went to Dannys, and we met up with chris and laura, and went to Prince, their food is Delicious..then we went to Town Line for some bowling, it was actually a good night..and sunday I worked and I saw Passions of the Christ..I cried. Honestly it is a VERY well made film, and very sad. It's powerful... Then we went back to dannys house and did nothing haha we're bums, I went to Dannys yet again last night considering I didn't work, and I went and saw Eurotrip today - the comedy is so dry that its funny...I wouldnt pay money to see it , but it was okay I guess you could watch it if you were stoned or extremly drunk..heh...
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| xOxO kISSez |
[27 Feb 2004|11:26am] |
 You Are a Romantic Kiss!You are an idealist, and unsurprisingly, you give the ideal kiss Your kiss causes almost anyone to fall in love with you And to be honest, you need to be falling a little to let your lips loose No biggie… your kiss is worth the wait :-) What Type of Kiss Are You?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva |
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| Come with me |
[22 Feb 2004|01:56pm] |
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This vacation is comming to a close, and i did a few good things :) Mostly worked which sucked and was sick, but hey what the hell can you do right?
I finally got my housing shit for Umass Lowell, sending that out tommorow. I have yet to do my taxes..that should take another 390840 weeks, and the FAFSA is due the 1st..haha yupp I suck.. I'm waitin for my mom so I can drop her off and head to Daniels for the day.
We went to goodtimes yesterday after we attempted to rip eachothers heads off..ohh ya.. I got a HUGE garfield, he's my new friend :) Ya ... my life is boring and you probably clicked out of it , by now... sorry haha..
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| I don't wanna know.. |
[18 Feb 2004|10:58pm] |
Well let's see, sunday night I was feeling okay, and the next day im fucking sick..what are the odds of me being sick on my vacation! That's how it always is. I think I have the flu, I feel slightly better than monday , but my head is killing me and I'm having hot flashes, so Is it gonna get better or worse?! Went home sick from work last night and litteraly passed out at home, today no work which was relaxing, working tommorow though, hopefully I'll be up for it.
Daniel and I watched OC today and I kept spazzzing out.. I want summer and seth together, and thank god they finally did it right, they kept switching from bad to good and it was pissing me off..bad..=] Anyway, nothing has happened, because my life is boring..yuppers.. although I talked to jared, and I havent talked to him in 2 yrs, he goes to college now, and im proud of him! I dunno im gonna go.. later.. =]
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| bLuE bOx bLuEs |
[16 Feb 2004|12:49pm] |
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wow..It's been a few days, and A lot has happened, good things of course :)
Friday >> Was definetly a night I won't forget. I worked till 8, and Danny said just come to my house and don't make any place, I had a good hunch I knew what was gonna happen. Anyway I drove there, and when he opened the door, the house was completely dark, no one was home. He took me upstairs and when he opened his room door he put his hand over my eyes, and when I opened my eyes, there were about 20 candles all over the room. Lavander, which I told him was my favorite. The radio was on, and he turned the cd to Bryan adams, our song, and we danced. Right there in the middle of the room, and then u know.. anyway ... It was the most romantic sweetest thing he's ever done, then afterwards he got me pizzzzza hut :):):)
Saturday >> Vday! Daniel got me the cutest pink adidas sneakers and a teddy bear, cuz this yr we set a limit. I got him a B red sox hat, and a ninja turtle, and a dub city car some candy and a teddy bear. We waited 2 hrs to eat @ the Texas Road house, and it was definetly well worth it. We went back to his house and just hung out.
Yesterday >> I went to Dannys house early and we went food shopping, and we finally saw 50 First Dates, even he liked it. It was soo funny, and I'm really not a big fan of Drew Barrymore, but she actally did quite well. Definetly a 10, I lovvvvvvveeee adam sandler.
Work tonight :( 3-10..blah.
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| FITCHBURRRG |
[11 Feb 2004|11:42pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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well let's see.. I GOT INTO FITCHBURG!. heh even tho I doubt I'm going , cuz I'm still hooked on UMASS, but there's no wrong in going to check it out. Who knows maybe I'll change my mind.
The OC tonight was very good, anyone agree. Next week's is going to be even better, finally Summer and Seth do the deed! It's about damn time! He's hott , oh yes he is. Working tommorow and Friday, fun times.
Friday Daniel and I are going to watch 50 first dates!! And saturday is V-DAY, last yr we spent a lot, so this year I think I'll get him A teddy bear and some candy and what not. I'm gonna bake cupcakes too.. ya I know I'm corny, so what. We'll go out to dinner and .. stuff :)
I'm not even tired, Damn me I slept all day.
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| Hush Little Baby |
[08 Feb 2004|11:10pm] |
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 tired |
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Since the last time I wrote I ended up going to the ultimate with Jenny and Amy, and found a dress and absolutely fell in love with it. I put money down , and went back last night w/my mom and she liked it also, so i put more money down. It's 284$..expensive, but its a gorgeous red halter..wow..when I get a pic, I'll definetly post.
Worked Friday night , went to dannys house and we fell asleep lol, great night.
Yesterday I woke up extremely late, ran some errands and got my nails done, went to the ultimate with my mom then to dannys where we went to pizza hut and watched tv.
Today i actually got up early, and Daniel picked me up @ noonish, we ran some errands, went back to the house, had lunch..and did stuff :) It was actually a nice relaxing day, and good thing is we spent the whole day/night together without fighting, now that's a miracle :).
Vday is comming up :) We're only spending 30.00 , considering we're both broke..well I am anyway..
I got a 115$ paycheck and 60 of it is going to my phone ,and ther est of it..is .. well I dont know... :(
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| Taxachusetts |
[04 Feb 2004|10:44pm] |
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mood |
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Well Dress shopping didn't come into plan today like I had planned, so I'm definetly going tommorow w/Jenny. I came home from school and passed out, considering attempting to sleep last night failed. I visited my grandmother, and she looks a little better, but it will be a few weeks before she gets to come home =(. I just finished some psych homework.. Probably headed to bed in a few..
RIP - MEATBALL.. you were indeed a good dog, and Mr. Sandler, if you need some comforting you know who to call *wink* =) .. IM a goofball so what.. go watch 50 FIRST DATES NEXT WEEK!! it's gonna be great.
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| Feel better |
[03 Feb 2004|11:11pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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Pats won:) I can't keep bloating enough about it... sorry haha..
Sunday..was nice.. I worked until 6, with Cindy as MOD which is always good cuz shes very lenient about things. And her kids came in, they are the cutest. Her daughter beat me in football!! haha it was cool, and then I went n I got drunk w/my baby and his friends. I actually got along with them all which was a complete first.. I actually can say I had a really good time. I brought Kayla with me in hopes of finding her a boyfriend over there, we're still working on it.. She's awesome.
I called into work last night because my grandmother is in the hospital. She has pnemonia, and a very bad body infection, and she seriously looked horrible when I went there.. It hurts knowing shes sick, and there's NOTHING i can do about it. I was there for a bit, and then went to get my mom and then went back, and we all waited in thr waiting room for like 2 hrs..the whole fam was there basically.. We finally got to see her 2 at a time, and I went in first with my godmother who was already there.. she looked at me, and they had put a line from her neck to her heart to control the fluids, and she said "You dont have to come till I die" and started laughing I just looked at her, I leaned over the bed and gave her a kiss..She looked at me like she knew, and she cried.. I couldnt help it. I had to run out of there I was bawling. It just kills.. Daniel and I left and I thank god he was there for me. He just held me and told me everything was alright..he just let me cry, like old times. He's like part of the family now, everyone just accepts him and it makes me feel good.
Didn't go to school today, my mom took my car.. I was thinkin about goin into Boston to see the parade, but Daniel didn't want to so I didnt. Shani, Amy, Steph and I went out to IHOP. It was yummmmy, We went back to Shai's and watched the parade, saw my future husband Mr Adam Vinatieri. =] Came home , napped and went into work, which sucked..big time.. extremely dead and boring. At least I have hours.
Planning on going prom dress shopping tommorow, and then seeing my grandma...
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| FUCKING YES |
[01 Feb 2004|11:57pm] |
GO PATS!!!
superbowl champs, now what BITTTTTCH
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| What ever happened to the days life was simple? |
[01 Feb 2004|09:54am] |
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I feel like shit. Yes I do. I had to wake up @ 9am this mornin to wash my hair..fucker..it felt like shit last night, not cool. Superbowl is today :) Me and Kayla are gonna go to mikes w/danny..should be a blast..
I worked 2-10 on friday and again last night. I liked last night crew, I finally got to work with Rob although we didnt talk much, I miss him :( Working 11:30 - 6 should be a fun time I'm sure. Kayla's workin I guess so it shouldn't totally suck. Im outta here, obviously nothing good happened and Im sure you all have shut me out by now;]
oh ya one more thing
GO PATS!!!!! We're gonna kick ass.
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| Sometimes I give myself the creeps |
[29 Jan 2004|02:10pm] |
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mood |
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Yesterday was extremely gay [ yes jazz I said gay haha ] I ran some errands, ate chinese food, and was supposed to "talk" with Daniel, but he never ended up comming to get me, and I wasn't about to drive w/cramps and snow..NOOO thank you.. I slept for 3948034 hrs and then argued some more with him..
At least we know Im going to fail math with flying colors :) Hehe.. Me and Jenny are starting to not want to go to Cancun considering we're broke bastards. My parents are buying me a new car for graduation, so I would much rather spend 1200 and pay my insurance off for a year considering I'll have no money in college next year, + prom is comming up , and that's going to put me in debt..plus my phone bill and bla bla .. ya im bitchin..not to mention TRU sucks at giving hours.. Friends night tonight??
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| If it's meant to be it'll come back.. |
[27 Jan 2004|11:24pm] |
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<<--I didn't go to school , because I was up till 3 am disagreeing with Daniel, about everything. I was definetly supposed to work 4 shitty hours today, but thankfully Kayla switched with me. That makes her the best no doubt about it! Ill be working Friday instead.. Went and picked up my mom bla bla , then..went out to dinner with daniel to a place we went for our 3 months [ Joe's Bar and grill ] a long time ago..it was..quiet.. I dont know, not much was said tonight,nothing at all actually. We barely said 10 words all night, and Im honestly starting to believe there isn't much left to say at all. It sucks, I can't wake up knowing he's not mine..he's a part of me, and I know its hard to just give it all away *sighs* Im gonna go to build-a-bear tommorow and fill out an application! wish me luck :)
<<-- *yesterday - Started 2nd semester, I now have psych, which Im not allowed to drop apparently, it's alright I'll survive I'm sure. I got an A- on my english final, and an A- for the term which is good. I got a D+ on my math final.. a fuckin D..that just blows..I suck at math. I went to the gym last night with Krys n Jenny, its TINY , but nice. I was feeling it late last night.. trust me..haha..
Going to comment on peoples shit now =]
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| bored |
[25 Jan 2004|10:56pm] |
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mood |
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( sTOlEn frOM gReG! )
Worked 11:30-4:30, and went to the movies with derex, ed n kayla. Saw cheaper by the dozen, very very cute. It's funny too, and BEANZ is in it!! ahhhh haha..He hasn't called, and probably won't, and I'll end up suckering in to call him. NO!
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| Like the blue in the sky |
[25 Jan 2004|01:07am] |
YUPP SO MY DAY SUCKED
Daniel and I had been fighting all day, and its just been a big mess, but i dunno he ended up going to polcaris and bla bla , everything was okay until i said i wanted to be with him when we left or whatever and he said he was sleeping over steves or something so i said okay.. and he said maybe .. so after i said shani come with me , and i told her to tell everyone to wait in the restaurant and id pull the car around , and he assumed i was leaving without saying bye so he started flipping out i guess and amy got in the car and said"hes spazzing" so i said "alright nevermind i dont wanna argue with him tonight" so i drove away, he called me and SPAZZED OUT
and called me a bitch , and kept sayin fuck u fuck u bla bla and a kid and shit so i said well just call me a cunt and he did, so i said u know what im gonna give u the fucking chance to say it to my face, i DROVE back to polcaris and he was like im not saying it bla bla so i got in the car and he wouldnt shut the door so we started arguing again and then i just closed the door and he said your a fucking cuntso i jumped outta the car and he said "hit me right here" so i did , and i kept doing it , until he pushed me up against the car and then i got in the car and he said nothing hurts, and i drove away really fast.
.......I cant do it anymore.. He doesnt know what he means to me..
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| GRRRR |
[24 Jan 2004|05:56pm] |
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IM SO FUCKING BULLSHIT.. I HATE BEING PISSED...I REALLY DO.
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